After going through customs, an Asian man exits O’Hare Airport’s international terminal with no luggage. He hops in a taxi and asks the driver in broken English to take him to a cheap hotel that accepts cash somewhere in the City. It just so happens the taxi driver lives temporarily in such a place in the Uptown neighborhood and takes the man there. At the hotel counter the Asian man slides back the completed registry card and some cash through a Plexiglas partition to the hotel manager on the other side. The manager slides a key back to the man.
“Room 307. The elevator is around the corner.”
After a rickety ride in a cage like elevator, the Asian man enters the dismal room. He plops himself down in a stained and frayed armchair. After a few moments he sighs, looks around the room with a depressed look then gets up and exits the room. He starts wandering the streets near his rundown hotel. In this neighborhood, all types of characters are starting to emerge for the night. He stands out amongst the others due to his being well dressed and groomed. He drops some money to the panhandlers he passes. After a while he spots a hardware store and enters it. He exits after some time carrying a long box which he carries back to his hotel room. He locks the door behind him then removes the item from the box. He plugs it into the electrical outlet and starts it. It makes a loud whirling sound as the Asian man lifts and places the item to his neck. He screams as his blood is being splattered on the already stained wall. He drops the chainsaw on the rug beneath him where it stops after getting clogged with the rug’s shabby fabric. Only silence now.
The next morning there is a knock on the Asian man’s door. Without waiting for a response, an unkempt, older woman with a lit cigarette dangling from her lips and holding a filthy mop, enters the room, “housekeeping.” She’s stunned by what she sees. The cigarette drops from her mouth and she remains silent, staring wide eyed at the Asian man. She turns around and starts scurrying down the hall dropping the mop along the way
I receive a call from the hotel manager telling me he has a room with a Medical Examiner’s seal on the door and he needs it removed. He told me the decedent signed himself in under the name of Don Ho.
I ask, “Don Ho? Like the Hawaiian singer?”
“Yeah only this guy ain’t no Hawaiian, he was Chinese or Japanese or one of them.”
The manager said he really needed the room back so he could get it cleaned and rented once again. I told him I’d get back to him in a few days’ time after I’ve done some checking around.
“A few days? We’re losing money while that room is sitting there sealed!”
“If the decedent winds up having an estate we handle, you could submit a claim to get reimbursed for the back rent owed you.”
“He ain’t got nuttin Pal! He checked in for one night last week with no luggage, no papers, no nuttin. There’s nuttin in da room I’m tellin ya!”
I give in and make an appointment with the manager for the next day. I’ve been out to this roach infested hotel several times before. I know from experience that finding anything of importance from one of the decedents from there is slim. It’s the type of place where a prostitute might bring her clients.
I enter the hotel and tap at the Plexiglas partition to get the manager’s attention. I show him my ID. He hands me the room key.
He says, “Finally I’m going to get that seal off the door.”
“I’ll need somebody to accompany me while I’m up there.”
He asks why so I tell him we need someone to vouch for what was or wasn’t there. I tell him I often hear from family claiming the decedent had stacks of cash everywhere and gold bricks piled up to the ceiling. I’ll need someone to verify that was not the case. He laughs and tells his assistant to cover the desk while he takes me up. At the decedents room I remove the Medical Examiner’s seal and notice cockroaches stuck to the sticky backing. We enter the room. I start photographing the room. In order to reach the dresser, I have to step over a blood-soaked rug. The dresser is empty as is the closet.
“Nothing here” I say.
“That’s what I told ya.”
“What’s this empty chainsaw box doing here?”
“Don’t cha know? The guy cut his head off with the damned thing. He checked into my hotel just to commit Harry Carey or whatever the hell them guys call it.”
I told him I didn’t know that. The case report from the morgue that I have on him was very evasive. Nobody, the manager included, knows anything about the decedent. I notice a piece of paper on the floor and bend over to pick it up. It is the receipt for the chainsaw. The only item of the decedent’s in the room. I make a few notes on my worksheet and ask the manager to sign.
“What am I signing?”
“That the room was released back to you and nothing was removed.”
“So, if I find any gold bricks, they’re mine?”
I smile and hand him my card “If you have any more questions or find out anything about the decedent, please call.”
“So, what’s going to happen to his body? Donated to science?”
“No, we can’t do that. If nobody claims him after about three months, the County will give him what’s called an indigent burial.”
“What’s that?”
“Some call it a pauper’s burial. About every three months or whenever the Medical Examiner needs to make space available in their coolers, they will bury any unclaimed bodies that have been there for some time. The cemetery that buries them digs these long trenches then stacks the coffins three high before covering them up.”
“Really? There’s that many people like that, huh?’
“Well not all are John or Jane Does. Some have family but can’t afford to bury them.”
“So, our Mr. Don Ho is going to wind up that way, huh?’
“Apparently., if nobody claims him. Interested in making arrangements for him?”
“No way! The prick stuck me with a bloody mess and a week of lost rent!”
Back in the office the next day I tell the others about it.
“I did this investigation yesterday at the Starlight Hotel dump in Uptown and apparently this Asian guy checked in and killed himself.”
Ben says laughing, “He checked in to check out.”
“Yeah he did but he used a chainsaw to decapitate himself with.”
Malika asks, “OK so why do you always get the interesting cases?”
“Tell me about it” I say. “According to the hotel manager, it seems like the decedent had just flown in from Asia somewhere just to do this. The only thing in the room was the empty box the chainsaw came in. But get this, he registered himself as Don Ho.”
Everyone laughs but Vic. He asks, “Who is Don Ho?’
Malika starts singing “Tiny bubbles in the wine…”
“Make me happy all the time” Ben adds.
“HUH?” Vic asks.
“Don Ho was a Hawaiian singer.”
“Oh, I get it now. He, He, He.”
“The morgue has him as John Doe.”
“John Doe, Don Hoe. Close enough.”
More laughter from everyone.
“Maybe they were brothers.”
Everyone laughs again.
I said I feel terrible for laughing over the poor mans tragedy. We all stop laughing but the smiles remain.
“Cry me a river Phil as you always say. When did you develop feelings anyhow?” Malika asks.
“What do you mean? I’m the most compassionate person in the world.”
“Yeah right. You the one who thinks the only employees that are allowed to take off on Pulaski Day are the ones who actually know who he was?”
“That’s right” I say. “And speaking of getting days off, I want to push for us getting Ground Hog Day off too! We’re getting cheated don’t you all think? Come on, let’s start an office revolt!”
“Oh my God, we have it SO good here don’t we?” Malika asks.
“Yes and no” Vic adds. “These positions were never known to pay much but the benefits make up for it.”
“You’re not kidding. When I tell people we have off for Presidents Day they’re stunned.”
“Ground Hog Day!” Malika shouts.
“Between our vacation, personal, holiday and sick days, we have no room to complain.” Says Ben.
Ben’s phone rings and he begins a routine conversation with his fiance including asking her what’s for dinner tonight.
I continue, “I have over three months of saved time to use.”
“You kidding me? I use mine as soon as I get them” remarked Malika.
“And yet there are people around this office that still complain. They should leave if they’re not happy. They think they have it so rough here they should see what it’s like working in the private sector. Then they’d realize how good they have it here after all.”
“Such words of wisdom, Phil” Malika say.
Ben finished his phone conversation with his fiance then leaves the room to enter Mr. C’s office closing the door behind him. Vic is going through the case reports at his desk. He says “You guys have to hear this one. Last week a flight from London to LA had to make an emergency landing at O’Hare to remove a first class passenger that died in flight. Her body is still unclaimed at the morgue. Think this is something we should get involved with? It says her passport lists her as being a citizen of Britain.”
Malika responds, “What could we possibly do for her? Unless she was a resident of Cook County or has assets here, there isn’t much we can handle.”
“I suppose. I’ll keep an eye on this one to see if she gets claimed eventually. I could pick up her purse from the morgue to see if it contains any information.”
“Not too sure we should get involved.” Malika repeats.
“Doesn’t matter to me but it makes you wonder about her doesn’t it?”
“I know. She must have some means to afford a first class ticket from London to LA. And nobody reported her missing? I wonder if LA was her final destination.”
Malika says, “True but it’s out of our jurisdiction. I’m sure she’ll have family or friends looking for her.”
Ben returns from Mr. C’s office and pokes his head in the room.
“Vic, keep your afternoon free. I need you to go out on an investigation with me. Mr. C asked me personally to handle this one. A friend of his called saying his father had a tenant with no family die at Good Sam’s. The hospital is faxing over the information now. I’ll go get it and write it up.”
Ben leaves again to get the fax and returns a few minutes later with it.
Vic asks, “So where is the apartment located?”
Ben says it’s located in the forty-seven hundred block of South King Drive.
“That used to be the original Gold Coast years ago. Those buildings were once very grand before they were all converted into boarding houses. I’ll bet one day that neighborhood will make a comeback” I say.
Ben and Vic arrive later that day at the apartment building. They were to meet the building manager in the first floor tavern. Once they enter the dark, smokey tavern, it takes a few moments for their eyes to adjust to the darkness in there. The all black clientele stops what they’re doing and stare at Ben and Vic. They approach the bartender showing their IDs. “We’re from the Public Administrator’s Office and have an appointment with Bo. He asked us to meet him here. Is he around?”
The bartender responds, “He said he’s running a little late but he’ll be here soon. Can I get you guys anything while ya’s wait?”
They both say no thanks. They wait in silence. Leaning against the bar next to Ben are two large black men wearing sunglasses even though it’s quite dark in there. To start a conversation, Ben turns to one of them and asks what he does for work. Vic rolls his eyes and looks in the other direction. One of the men removes the toothpick from his mouth and answers, “We’s in the ass kicking business.” He then slowly puts the toothpick back in his mouth the whole time staring at Ben. Ben turns to the bartender and says, “When Bo arrives tell him we’re waiting in our car.”
“No need to, here he is now.”
Ben and Vic show Bo their IDs. He nods in approval. “I’m kinda new here so I hope I grabbed the right keys. The apartment is this way.”
They follow Bo up a dark staircase then down a hallway. They pass several doors where loud televisions and angry shouting and arguing is going on. Bo is fooling around with a large key ring. He stops at a door then tries several different keys trying to unlock the door. Vic, who’s kind of new on the job, asked Ben if there should be a seal on the door. Ben said that since the guy died in the hospital, the Medical Examiner isn’t called out. Ben asks Bo if he’s sure he has the right key? No sooner had he asked that when a loud, angry male voice came booming from the other side of the door, “Who the fuck is trying to get into my place? I’ll shoot you!”
“Sorry! This is Bo, the manager. Got the wrong door. We’re leaving.”
“Bet your sweet ass you’re leaving. You shouldn’t be doing that shit man!” said the man.
“It’s cool.”
Bo, Ben and Vic walk to the apartment next door and Bo was finally successful in opening the right door. “That was a close one.” Bo said.
The next morning Vic, Malika and I are sitting at our desks talking. Ben enters and gets himself settled.
Malika says, “Morning Ben. Hear you guys had a close one yesterday.”
“Kind of. Is he in?” Ben indicates towards Mr. C’s office. “I better go fill him in.”
Ben gets up and heads for Mr. C’s office.
At this moment Sophia, the assistant to Mr. C, pops her head in the office, “Good morning everyone. I’m going to be ordering supplies today so please let me know if there’s anything you need.”
“Thanks Sophia, I’ll make a list right now and get it to you.” I say.
Sophia leaves just as Ben returns to his desk. He announces that Mr. C is going to be interviewing people for the vacant investigator’s position this week and he wants Ben present during the interviews.
Malika remarks how crowded the room is already let alone having another person in there. She asks Ben if he knows anything about who will be coming in for the interviews? Ben said he had no idea. Mr. C told him he has several interested people and he wants help choosing the right one. I suggest that it be someone that isn’t afraid of getting their hands dirty during an investigation. “That’ll be a big qualification. And someone that’s honest. We don’t need any more scandals going on around here again.” All agree.
I ask Ben how is it that Mr. C is able to fill the position since there is a hiring freeze for all county wide offices. Ben said he didn’t know but Mr. C got the go-ahead to fill the position. I mentioned to everyone in the room that I’d like to let Mr. C know that I’d like him to consider me for the position. Vic and I are on the bottom rung in the department, we’re both Investigators 1. Malika and the other available spot, are Investigators 2 and Ben’s position is Investigator 3. I’ve been Investigator 1 for 20 years and now have another opportunity to move up. Malika asked Vic if he’d be interested in the position too. Vic responded that since he’s relatively new, he’d rather see me get it. Ben told me I better get in Mr. C’s office quickly while he’s still unoccupied. “Ok, wish me luck everyone!” I say as I head in the direction of Mr. C’s office.
“Luck!” they all shout back.
I noticed Mr. C was alone in his office so I asked him if he had a minute to discuss the position. He said sure, come in and have a seat. I asked him to consider promoting me. He asked “What do you have to offer me?”
I responded by telling him about my long, unblemished work history with the office and so on. He responded by saying again “But what do you have to offer me?”
I was a little perplexed and said my credentials were all I had to offer. With that he stood up, shook my hand and said he’d keep it in mind. I thanked him and left. It wasn’t till years later that I realized it was money he probably wanted. Being as naive as I am, I thought he was asking me about my qualifications. Since it was just the two of us in the room, I have no way of proving it.
“Back so soon?” Malika said as I returned to my desk.
“He said he’d keep me in mind.”
I continue, “I’ll check the supply room. Anybody think of something we need?””
They all said no so I leave the room carrying pen and paper.
While I’m in the supply room jotting down what we’re low on, I see Sophia pouring herself coffee in the back where the kitchenette is.
“How are things going with you Sophia? Any plans for the weekend?”
“Oh hi Phil, didn’t see you back there.”
She steps very close to me to start talking but it’s uncomfortably too close so I take a step back.
She continues, “Yeah, I’m going to try and spend some time with my gentleman friend if he can get away from his wife. Wish she’d agree to a divorce already.”
“You two have been together a long time haven’t you?”
“I met him when he and my then husband were teachers at the same school.”
“You’re husband was a teacher too? I didn’t know that.”
Sophia responds, “Oh yeah, he was, the cheating bastard. I’m glad he’s out of my life now. How about you? Any plans?”
“I’m hosting my book club Friday night then going with my restaurant club Sunday to this new African restaurant that’s getting great reviews.”
She steps closer to me again and touches my arm, “You certainly keep yourself busy don’t you?”
“Try too. Here’s the supply list you were asking for. Thanks for doing that for us.”
I hand Sophia the list and exit the supply room. Back at my desk I ask Vic if Sophia stands real close to him too when she speaks with him or is it just me she does that to.
“Oh no, she does it to me too. If my wife saw it I don’t think she’d be too happy about it.”
Malika had to add, “I noticed she just does that to the men in the office. She avoids the women, so none of us here really like her. People are complaining to Mr. C. And she certainly doesn’t hide the fact that her “boyfriend” is a married man. What’s that about anyway?”
I tell them I really don’t mind since I know she means no harm and It doesn’t really make me uncomfortable. It’s just her way of showing she likes me and I’m glad because I like her, but not in any sexual way.
Ben is too busy working on his computer to add anything to the conversation. Malika’s phone rings so everybody went back to concentrating at the work on their desks. I start making phone calls,